


All That Matters

by elaynawinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Boys In Love, Castiel Has Feelings for Dean Winchester, Castiel is Bad at Feelings (Supernatural), Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Castiel is Lamp, Castiel is Not Okay (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, Dean Winchester is Loved, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Becoming Canon On 5 November 2020 (Supernatural), Destiel is canon, Episode 15x18, Episode 15x19, Having Emotions, Idiots in Love, LOOK AT THEM, M/M, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Quote: Y yo a ti Cas | Me too (Supernatural), Supernatural Finale, i'm in my feelings, my kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27718712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elaynawinchester/pseuds/elaynawinchester
Summary: MAJOR SEASON 15 SPOILERS:  Cas reckons with his sacrifice to save Dean and is tortured by the Empty, before being rescued in a way he never expected. A fix it fic with a happy ending for all you beautiful Destiel clowns out there. 💛
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 95





	1. In My Head

“Goodbye Dean…”

I’ve fought demons and the devil, and even God himself, but saying those words—knowing that this time, they’re for good—is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

The way he is looking at me should break me, but truly, finally telling him after all these years, _saving him one last time,_ it is the happiest I could ever be. Knowing that he will be kept safe from Billie, that he will be able to keep fighting with Sam by his side; it’s the greatest gift I could give him. 

_I just wish it didn’t have to end like this._

The tendrils of the Empty reach out for me, swallowing me whole to tug me into oblivion. But the only thing I keep thinking is…

_I love you. I love you. I love you…_

—

My whole body aches, and when I open my eyes, there is nothing around me but the encroaching darkness of the Empty. My ears ring from the absence of sound. There is nothing here but thick, dead silence that bleeds through the air. I look to my right, where moments before, Dean was on the ground, staring back at me with confusion and fear. But now he’s gone.

_I’ll never see his face again._

And the pain I couldn’t let him see finally comes crashing down on me.

Dean was my everything. Though I have lived and died a thousand times, and have seen entire ages of the world pass me by, there is no emotion that comes close to the penetrating sorrow that tears through me now. I know I did the right thing in saving him, but how I wish I never had to say goodbye. How I wish that I could have shared a life with him.

I don’t know how long I lay there on the cold, hard ground, scarcely able to breathe through the sobs. It could be hours or days or infinities. Time stopped making sense the moment I was pulled away from him. 

But then, out of nowhere, I hear a whisper.

“ _Cas?”_

I stand up and look around frantically. It was Dean’s voice, I’m sure of it. I’d know the rich, deep tone anywhere. 

_“Cas, I… I don’t know if you can hear me…”_

And more tears come as I realize what this is. _He’s praying._

I know he cannot hear me back, but I still say aloud, “I’m here Dean. I’m always listening for you.”

He continues his prayer, _“I’m so sorry I couldn’t… that I didn’t… Cas I shouldn’t have let you go. I should have held on. Pulled you out of the way. Let it take me instead.”_

I fall to my knees. Even after all this, he still doesn’t believe he deserves my love. This breaks me more than anything.

“ _But Cas, I know you wouldn’t want me to do something stupid. I won’t let your sacrifice be for nothing. We’re going up against Chuck, and when we do, I’m gonna set things right. I’ll find a way back to you. But if I can’t, Cas, I need you to know… when you said you loved me… I meant to say, I love you too.”_

My clenched fists release as I let out the most unholy cry. We could have had forever. Could have been together. But that future with him is gone. Laid to waste because of my foolishness. I don’t regret saving Jack, I could never regret that. But I know that as long as I lie awake in this Empty, I will regret not having taken Dean into my arms one last time. Kissed him. Made him _feel_ just how much I loved him. How much I still do. How much I always will. 

“You just don’t _shut up_ do you?”

I turn around to see the personification of the Empty, still disguised as Meg. 

“I don’t see why you’re complaining when you’re the one who brought me here.”

“Yes, because we had a date, darling, and I don’t like standing anyone up. Not like you just did,” and at this, she laughs.

I look away from her as she rubs salt into the wound. “Well, get it over with then.”

“What over with?” she asks.

“Isn’t this the part where you fling me into some deep, dark, despairing corner so you can go back to sleep?”

“No. This is the part where I torture you into oblivion. Where I pick you apart piece by piece until there is nothing left of you to ever disturb me or wake up again.”

I turn to face her, ready to face whatever punishment I signed up for.

As she lunges forth, I close my eyes and remember.

_Dean is safe. That’s all that matters._


	2. Where You Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone unexpected comes to the Empty to rescue Castiel, even though he doesn't believe he deserves it.

Every time he prays it— _ my name— _ I hear it.

As the Empty tears me apart and puts me back together just to do it all again, Dean’s voice is whispering, “ _ I’m sorry Cas…”  _ in his mind.

I even hear when he asks God to bring me back and is denied. I can almost feel his heart shattering in time with my bones as the request goes unfulfilled, and the Empty continues tearing me apart.

Time stops making any sense, and I lose track of if it has been days or entire ages since the torture began, when suddenly, between the thundering crack that sounds every time the Empty’s fist collides with my body, there’s a strange noise from behind them.

When I glance up with a bleary, bleeding eye, I see a light behind her. A sliver of electric goldenrod, like the air itself has a tear in it.  _ A portal…  _

There’s a burst of white light, and then there appears the last person I was ever expecting to see.

“Jack?”

The Empty pivots, rage in her eyes. 

“You!” she shouts, as she runs towards him. 

“Jack, run!” I yell. 

But he simply stands his ground, undeterred, and holds a hand up, which brings the Empty crashing down to her knees.

“How… what are you?” she asks.

“Jack, what’s going on?”

He looks to me, his eyes softening, “I’ve come to bring you home. To set things right.”

“He’s MINE! And how are you doing this? God can’t even waltz in here and—”

“The old God maybe. But I defeated him and took on his powers. Absorbed the energy of the archangels Michael and Lucifer. I’m… I’m something new. And I’m setting things back to the way they should be,” he glances down to meet her eyes, “for everyone.”

“What do you mean?” she says, shaking against the pressure emanating from his hand to hold her back. 

“You let Castiel come with me now, and I will lay you back to sleep. For good. So that no one can ever disturb you that way again.”

He lowers his hand, and she stops struggling, looking back and forth between the two of us. “And what about the next time this stupid angel fucks up and winds up back here? What then?”

“That won’t happen. Not as long as I have something to say about it.” He holds up a hand for me to take, “I’d never leave my father here alone.”

My eyes fill with tears of a different kind. Not of pain this time, but disbelief.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I had resigned myself to forever here, a final sacrifice for the ones I loved the most. I had not dared to dream I would ever get a chance to live out that happiness that I expressed to Dean. That I would ever see Jack again, let alone hear him call me  _ father.  _ That he would come save me in return. 

Jack must see how overwhelmed I am, and so he walks closer to me, and places a hand on my forehead, the way I did so many times for the Winchesters and their friends. All the pain leaves me, and I look at my hands. Free from blood. My grace restored fully. With that, and the happiness that it is Jack here to save me, I feel  _ whole. _ Maybe for the first time in my eons of life. 

_ Well, almost whole. _

“Dean… is he—”

“He’s safe with Sam. They’re off finding Eileen right now. I brought them back, Cas. I brought them all back.”

I take his hand, and as he helps pull me to my feet, I tug him close for a tearful embrace. “I always knew you could.”

When I pull away from him, he smiles. “I could because of you. Your faith, Castiel. Your faith has healed so many of us. It’s time you come back where you belong.”

I walk over to the portal, sparing one last look at the Empty, “I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you…”

“Just go. I want to know peace again.”

As I walk through the portal, all I can think is,  _ so do I. _

When I emerge on the other side, I am in the diametric opposite to the Empty. So much so, that my eyes struggle to adjust at first. 

I am surrounded by warm, endless light in all directions. There’s no forms here besides my own, but I can feel deep down within where I am. 

_ Heaven. _


	3. Better Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cas checks in on Dean, but decides to help Jack rebuild Heaven.

Jack follows me through the portal and seals it off, before turning to me with that ever warm smile bright on his face. “Heaven has been through much, so I thought it could use a clean slate. That we could rebuild it together, if you want to of course.”

I put a hand on his shoulder, “It would be an honor…”

He senses the hesitation within me, “But there’s something else?”

I nod, “I just… I want to make sure he’s alright.”

“Of course. He and Sam are checking in with all the other hunters, making sure they’re all well. Go to him.”

“Thank you Jack, for everything.”

I hug him close, before stepping back, and teleporting to the place most on earth that feels like home. 

When I appear in the bunker, no one is there. _They must still be out with the others._ So I wander through the halls, brushing my fingers along the walls. After the Empty, I just want to touch and be part of the rest of the world as much as I can. 

I approach Dean’s room, and walk in. It’s cluttered as always, a few stray bottles on the nightstand and by the trash can in the corner. The room smells like him, that deep scent of fresh pine from the soap he uses, mingled with a hint of bourbon. I could bury myself in that scent and die happy. 

His desk however has something that surprises me. _A job application?_ It’s half filled in, but seeing it hits me in the chest in a way I didn’t expect. Then suddenly, I hear his voice in my head.

_“Cas? I don’t know if you can hear me…”_

I go to him, but something tells me to make myself unseen, the way I once did when checking in on him with Lisa. 

I appear in an onion field next to a gas station on an old dirt road, and look on to see the comforting sight of the impala parked at one of the pumps. Eileen is standing by the pump, while Sam is inside paying. I’m so grateful to see that they found her. 

But in the driver’s side, I see him, and my heart instantly leaps into my throat. 

Dean sits with his hands clutching the wheel, his eyes closed in prayer.

_“Cas, I… I’m so sorry for everything. But I promise, I’m going to keep fighting like you would have wanted. Jack, he set so many things back the way they should be. You would be so proud of him. But he said he would be hands off, and I know even God can’t sway the Empty… I hate that you’re there because of me.”_

I know he can’t hear me, but I whisper to the air, “I’m here, Dean. I’m always here.”

_“But I am gonna keep going. For Sammy, and so we can pass on what we know to new hunters. They’ll know your name Cas, and everything you did. I won’t let what you sacrificed be for nothing. I promise.”_

And though it breaks my heart, a deep realization sets in. _He is better off without me. I have to let him go._

As much as I want to reveal myself to him, to go to him and hold him and make sure nothing ever hurts him again, I realize that he needs to move on. To build this new life with Sam that’s free of heaven’s influence. There's a normal life that I know he has always wanted, but never believed he deserved. If my sacrifice can give him that, it will have been worth it. 

So tears in my eyes, I leave the field behind and return to Jack. 

When he sees me, he asks, “Are you alright?”

“No… but I will be.”

Jack nods in understanding, and I am grateful he doesn’t press me further. But as the two of us look out at the wide expanse that is the new heaven we hope I build, I allow myself a tearful smile and say, “We’ve got work to do.”


	4. You've Got Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dean is once again on the brink of death, and Cas has one last chance to save him.

Time in heaven moves strangely. Things move quickly for Jack and I as we help souls find their place in this new paradise, where eternal life is more than just reliving memories. It is a place where they can exist in peace, at rest in the knowing they have all of time to breathe and be safe with their loved ones.

I try with all my might to close myself off from Dean’s prayers, which admittedly have become easier in the weeks after their showdown with God. I try not to pry, but still check in to make sure he and Sam are alright. 

He seems happy for the first time in so long. He and Sam and Eileen are all at the bunker together, Sam and Eileen falling more and more in love with each other each day. Dean focuses on the hunts, contented to do what he has always done. Save people and hunt things. Only now, he and Sam have thrown their focus into training hunters out of the bunker. Showing the next generation the way. It is a legacy I know he can be proud of, and so as much as I miss him, I try to let him just  _ be. _

But one day, maybe a few months later, as I am walking with Jack along a tranquil river bank, I get a searing feeling in my chest that drops me to my knees. “Cas? What is—”

And Jack doesn’t need to finish his sentence. As God, he knows. “Dean…” he whispers. 

This time I am sure we both hear his voice in our heads, “ _ Dammit… no… it wasn’t supposed to end today… agh… if only Cas was still here… ” _

I feel his pain. Something has pierced right through him. His sorrow is a crushing weight inside of me, as he tries to reckon with the end. But with a single look to Jack, I all but beg, “Let me save him?”

Jack nods. “Go…”

And with a flurry of my wings, I appear in the barn.

Sam is standing in front of Dean, who is giving him a tearful goodbye. “Let me look at you…” he whispers. 

But as he looks to Sam, he spares a glance over his brother’s shoulder, and sees me standing there. For a moment, I’m frozen in fear that I have made a mistake in coming. What if he doesn’t want to be saved this time? 

“Cas…” his pained whisper shocks me back to reality, as Sam spins around in surprise. 

“Cas, you’re alive?” Sam says.

I can’t even speak as I lock eyes with Dean. 

Even though I can feel the pain he’s in like it is coursing through my body too, he smiles at me and asks, “How?”

I walk forward, shaking my head at him. “You know, I didn’t sacrifice myself to save you so you could go and get yourself impaled.”

Even though it makes him cringe, he laughs. “Think you could help with that?”

Sam steps aside, as I walk up to Dean. 

I hold out my hand for him to take as I say, “This part is going to hurt.”

And as he wraps his fingers tight around mine, he says through a pained smile, “Not if you’ve got me…”

I put my other arm behind his back, and in one swift motion, I tug him off of the spike. The sound is sickening, and he cries out in such pain that he immediately buckles to his knees. I go down with him, holding him. 

“You’re alright, you’re going to be alright…” I tell him. 

I hold him close, and with the hand over the wound on his back, I heal him. 

The light glows softly, and the groans Dean lets out fade with it, until he is taking a deep full breath, his lungs no longer struggling for air. 

I hear Sam sigh with relief at my side, while Dean tries to steady his breathing. He looks to his brother and says, “I’m good, Sammy. I’m good.”

Sam wipes the tears from his eyes, and I can feel in his very aura how grateful he is that he didn’t have to say goodbye. But when he looks at the two of us, he just smiles. “I’m gonna go find the boys,” he says, leaving us alone. 

And so there we are, on our knees in front of one another, him still holding my hand. 

“How is it you’re here?” he asks in disbelief. 

“Jack. He saved me from the Empty and the two of us have been putting Heaven back together again.”

Dean looks at the ground, “I’m sorry it wasn’t me. I didn’t… when Jack said he wanted to be hands off, I didn’t think he would be able to do that.”

“It’s not your fault, Dean.”

When I say his name, he meets my eyes. I forgot how much I loved staring deep into those hazel green galaxies of his. Before I lose myself in them, I move to stand, helping him to his feet. “I should go…” I say as I try to pull away from him.

He just squeezes my hand tighter, “Don’t. Please.”

When I look back to him, I say, “Dean, what I said to you that day… I meant it. But I don’t expect—”

He silences me by pulling me into a kiss.

His mouth is warm and soft, as he kisses me with a passion more deep than anything I’ve ever felt in all the ages I’ve existed in the world. I melt into him, arms around him, one hand at the back of his neck, cradling him closer to me. It is more than anything I dared allow myself to dream of. It is healing every hurt I’ve ever had, filling in the cracks of me, fulfilling every longing that I’ve held back from him all these years. 

When our lips part, he leans his head on mine. “I love you too, Cas. I’m sorry I took so long to say it.”

I can’t help the joyful tears that come to my eyes. He continues, “That day, you said that you wanted what you couldn’t have. But Cas… I thought the same thing. How could an  _ angel _ ever want someone as fucked up as me? How could I ever have you?”

I smile as I hold him close, “I’ve always been yours, Dean.”

“Then you’ll stay with me?”

When I pull back to look at him, I whisper, “As long as you want me, I’ll be here.”

He kisses me again, this time more gently, with all the tenderness he has spent too much of his life hiding away in his heart, before saying, “How’s forever sound to you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, writing this SENT ME. I had so much fun doing this fixit that involved my dorks getting to spend forever together. Thanks for reading, I'm gonna go doomscroll the Destiel tag on tumblr now to deal with my FEELS.

**Author's Note:**

> Shout outs go to whyismaggietaken for suggesting I try to write something from Castiel's POV. It was both heartbreaking and tremendously fun to do a totally different angle of the way this series could have ended, all focused on our favorite gay angel. And after the news today about the spanish dub making our boys reciprocated love canon (see #Destiel tag on tumblr or #TheySilencedYou tag on twitter if confused) I am just IN MY FEELINGS ALL OVER AGAIN. WHEN WILL WE BE FREE FROM DESTIEL? WHO CAN SAY?! BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING.


End file.
